Monday, April 21, 2014

Beauty Knows Pain Very Well.

 My tears show the significance in the struggle, the sorrow
which was destined to me through the reign of anguish. The spilled blood shows the devotion to become the outspoken to uplift and shine vividly like the brightest of diamonds amongst the farthest galaxies and horizons.

 I was about one when I witnessed my mothers murder did not visualize it as being imprecise father told me mother has gone to visit extended family that lived in the afterlife, how very foolish of me to believe this statement......mothers soul grew within me. Fatal visions of the stabbings shattered me I grew with mystification , aggravation and desolation.

As time goes by my father starts to realize a very similar vision of my mother the beautiful radiance she would display caught his attention as I am looked upon with sinister stares.

 For I'm only thirteen trying to make peace with my self after the younger molestations. I don't know what to make of this so it continues no one to hear my plea crying praying to the creator to stop the raping.

 I feel my mother still alive in me even though the murderer stands in front of me on a regular basis now can you truly see why I have fueled so much rage it gave birth to a vindictive behavior.

Depiction of the Entity:

 These voices tell me that they see so much more in me, I was told that I can't imagine my worth I know for I am a priceless soul, driven in to the hurt. Such potential they see, never knowing of these ugly secrets hiding lacerations and scars from my always caring teachers. To ashamed to tell my comrades truly didn't know what to make of this so I was silent on the topic built an enormous anguish. I began to remember the tears and violent screams, it tortured my soul I could not cope.

Am I foolish for not speaking out the embarrassment is enough I pray beyond the stars that the creator takes me away but mothers lives within me so I know my destiny is to seek retribution for that devil committed sins and I will bring all of the fury and destruction to a end.

Mothers Entity:
I wish you would find it in your self to find some self respect find a means to live correct. Although this fight seem hopeless I march forth to glow and show you more then what you have been introduced to.

Mothers Entity:
It's a path of sorrow filled dreams I guess in the end you wish to not be treated as a queen cause thats what I see in my eyes at the same time I know your lost ,has me questioning myself why do I even try. I know love has not been a ally towards you but all is fair they say in something that represent so much beauty but can produce a never dying agony inside, is this really a hearts confessions to the inner self you know the answer to that question. Even though I know this is part of a growth process I pray that you come to your senses and realize that you are destined to blossom when the rain falls from the sky.

The situation makes me feel weary can't help but to not want to drop tears cause the fear of just trying to escape from a lust driven father that has two sides is crushing. A painful secret I can no longer bear, in my sleep I would carve sharp instruments hide them all around I could not figure the meaning of this dream.

To realize my own confusion this vision was all my reality for the possession overwhelmed me. I felt the strength of my mother flow through my veins as it felt like a chilling air embedded it's self in my skin, as we were reunited as one being. I remained motionless and my mind continued to sleep eyes wide open burning with a murderous passion glowing with a sight of dancing fire.

Blood boiling from the invested anger I felt my heart was beating ten times faster then normal. I was all conscious of this happening but my mind was controlled by memories so I was present for the thoughts of my mother the sincere and true aspects of the times we shared. The same time that I was reminiscing it felt as though I was having a nightmare and a pleasant dream at once.

 When I awoke from my sleep the next morning it appeared that my father wasn't home. I felt a sense of elation as I continued to get ready for the day. Then suddenly a powerful force grasp on my heart and literally a massive sharp pain entered my chest as I looked in the mirror my eyes begin to glow with fire. I begin to hear my mothers voice within my mind once again I whispered in a light violent tone under my breath "So destines finally become one".

 My father then entered the room looking at my eyes glow with such a striking fear and confusion for he doesn't know about the connection that mother and I have. He was so educed by his cravings for heroine he didn't think to care.  All of the sharpened objects that I carved telekinetically appeared before me for know I understand that I can control my mind with far more control.

Laughing in a demonic tone. I sensed the chills that made my fathers spine quiver he remain stuck in a trance envisioning me as my mother no words left his mouth as he was immersed in a trance.

Mothers Entity:
My love I know it wasn't your fault this seems to be a fatal mistake I can forgive you for I know your heart was filled with hate.

 As my mother consoled him in a forgiven manner because in my fathers eyes this was all in reality he wasn't even conscious of the fact that I was standing before him.

Mothers Entity:
 Why don't you resurrect me with this one kiss and soon you will no longer be ignorant to the true love I had for you and our daughter. When I arise we can restore our family values for a better tomorrow.

 Truly being mislead by something that felt and appeared so authentic he seen the reflections of my mother through me and was enticed by her voice that he remained blind to see the vindictive nature of  my mother only wanting to protect me.

 As my father approached me these sharp objects I constructed crept closer and closer the next thing I witnessed was a powerful impact of wind forcing these objects to penetrate through my fathers skin a gruesome fatality before me, as I witnessed blood fill the air writing its mark against the walls my mothers spirit hovered above his bodied and suddenly fire appeared sinking his corpse through the walls and he was never to be seen again that night.

 I woke up in pure fright not even aware of the fact that I was sleep my beloved aunts surrounded me I begin to cry because I no longer felt the presence of my mother within. Knowing she was before me in a heavenly nature and yet I felt another side of her that was a complete stranger. Everything continued to be so gloomy I am so confused by this present state.  Awakening from this dream seemed to be a deadly fate as blood stained the walls from my fathers forty five magnum witnessing ammunition shells near my pillow case.

 I woke up to the suicide of my father at least thats what the authorities told me but I don't believe that they are aware of what I have seen in my sleep how could I not wake up by the sound of a gunshot this can't be. Although I see my fathers corpse before me I'm shaken in terror I know where his souls true destination beholds beneath the concrete. There are no sight of the sharp objects I have been carving to protect my self. This matter is very unusual, as my aunts try to console me within I can't find a means to be comfortable in my own skin. Was this possession and why was this the fatal end? I see my mother momentarily seeming alive and well I just stare off not aware of my aunts and the authorities attempts to get my attention.

My aunts excuse my silence to the authorities they figured they would let me be to cope with the pain of awakening to the suicide of my father.

Mothers Entity: (Echoing Voice)

  Beloved Daughter of mine, I apologies to connect through your spirit so I know deep inside you where petrified so I could no longer let you suffer I sold my soul to become corrupted. One day we will be reunited in the heavens. Now that I know you have a second chance at life I can finally rest in peace ,I cannot express the sorrow I feel not being able to hold you close and with all the compassion in my heart it pains me that I have to leave you before I got to actually see you grow.

 Through all of this I suddenly disappear it felt as if I was in a different realm. I herd the screams of my aunts but I could only notice the reflections of the sun hitting my eyes. After these words were spoken to me I reappeared fully knowledgeable of what just happen. I was approached by both of my aunts baffled in confusion cause I believe they to herd the voice of their sister as I disappeared. The authorities down stairs shook up by my aunts screams came to the aid.

 I began to look at my aunts signaling them not to say a word for they would think we are truly foolish if we expressed all that happen in these minutes that have passed. My aunts both explained that it was them still delusional for my sake they though nothing more off it and continued to investigate.

 I feel more comfortable now that my mother has spoken to us in spirit but I think this is only the beginning but no longer do I fear this power I embrace it I knew pain very well the beauty of it was that I was blessed to escape it....

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